hot off the fresh

LCP's sole reader (I know, we've really gotta step up the PR efforts, eh?) has been on my case for a fresh post. And so, here we are, back again.

I suppose we should start off with the requisite football updates, though I should warn you: Unless you're the type of football fan who enjoys eating a salad bowl-sized portion of warm, maggot-infested cottage cheese in a dank, bed-bug infested house where cats numbering in the double digits run around, lawlessly shitting on and scratching all your personal items, while you revel in watching English matches that are heavy on long-ball tactics and intermittent thuggery -- this weekend's results will have left a sour taste in your mouth.
 
 Man Citeh beat Stoke in the FA Cup final. I haven't quite figured out how exactly I feel about this result. On the one hand, I wholeheartedly despise Stoke, Ryan Shawcross, and Tony Pulis more than any other club, player, and manager. On the other hand, Citeh sucks too: Their success is the product of A) the gobs and gobs of money they've thrown around to acquire top-class players, B) a style of play that is so negative (read defensive, not cynical. I'll reserve the c-word those cu*** over at Stoke) and repetitive that one could draw creatively draw some parallels with Fox News (or, as Bend's Source Weekly calls it, Faux News), and C) a load of good fortune. So, in short, it's the lesser of two evils. And it's always gonna be pretty fucking difficult to out-evil Stoke.

The official LCP line, after further thought, is disregard towards City, enmity towards Stoke. Still, I guess what it is most perturbing is all the talk of the FA Cup signaling the beginning of Citeh's dynasty. I'm not saying it won't happen (realistically Citeh has more than enough oil money to drown out most EPL competition -- shit, they might literally be able to drown some of the smaller, low-lying clubs in actual crude oil. But talk of a dynasty based on one trophy, the FA cup at that, is a bit like calling Portsmouth a dynasty, based on their one FA Cup Trophy from 2008. And, erm, Portsmouth, you won't even find them in the top flight anymore.

Today, Arsenal played Aston Villa at the Emirates. The Gunners lost 2-1. Being an Arsenal fan is painful stuff at the moment. I haven't even mustered the courage to watch the footytube highlights yet.

And last, the Portland Timbers drew 1-1 against the Seattle Sounders last night. It was a decent result, considering that was the first point they've acquired away from home this season (at least, I think). Plus, despite this being the first derby between the local MLS rivals, you could tell there was no love lost between the teams or the fans. Lots of hilarious trash-talking also preceded the game, more from the fans than the players, awesomely encapsulated in this Wall Street Journal article: The Great Hipster Soccer Showdown

Ok, enough fills on footy for the day. Check back very soon (I'm hoping to get to it later on this afternoon) for some music and video links. Stay up, players.

Hooray for May Day!

Today I woke up *boilk* in the early morning to a hilarious text message from the Nutter. It read, "I'm not a gynecologist, but even I know these guys are cunts." He he he, ridiculous. But what does it mean? The hungover wheels in my head started to turn. The word cunt was used, so it was definitely referring to English football and therefore an Arsenal opponent. Yes, Arsenal were playing United (and they really are a pack of shite gapers). Since dark clouds have seemed to follow Arsenal and their results in recent weeks, I was trying to stay optimistic while fighting off doom and gloom thoughts. Then, I saw the result: Arsenal 1, Mancunster 0. Glorious. Pure gooner joy.

Not quite a hangover cure, but the absolute best way imaginable to start my May Day and Sunday morning. 19 odd minutes of highlights from the game can be seen here: Gunners outclass Bacon face and his goons. 

Today's heavyweight duel was also shrouded in controversy. The first and most egregious of which involved Vidic denying RvP a crystal clear goalscoring opportunity by cutting a cross out with his hand. There was obvious contact, yet the immobile center official and his incompetent linesman took no action.   There are two interpretations of the act, one cynical but more probable given the player's history, the other tender and passive: A) Vidic intentionally handled the ball, or B) It was an unintentional accident. 

 You can form your own opinion on that one; my mind is already made up. In any case, most everyone seems to agree Arsenal deserved a penalty. But, disturbingly, mainstream sportswriters and pundits have totally downplayed the fact that Vidic, whatever his intentions, deserved to be sent off. Manyoo should have played a man down for the last 60 MINUTES of the match, and Vidic would have been suspended from EPL fixtures 36 and 37 for receiving a straight red. 

Instead, we have to listen to unimpressive analysis bunk from people like Graham Poll. His review of today's officiating slams Foy for not sending off Gael Clichy for his perceived foul on Owen in the box, but mysteriously mentions nothing about Vidic deserving a red card. 

In other news, the MLS is setting an important precedent against reckless and malicious tackling after suspending Brian Mullan of the Colorado Rapids for 10 games for breaking the tibia and fibula of a Sounders player. Other leagues, especially England, would do well to follow the MLS's lead on this one.  The English FA has long allowed hatchet men (usually spun positively by the footballing media as honest and strong and competitors who embody the English style of play) to get away with near-murder on the pitch. In the past 3 years, for example, Arsenal have had two players, Eduardo and Aaron Ramsey sustained career-threatening compound fractures of their lower legs in horrendous tackles (the tackle on Eduardo can be seen here at 40 seconds in; Ramsey). The Eduardo tackle was so graphic and disturbing that the English television refused to play replays of it after the fact. Both English centerbacks each only received a 3 game ban for tackles that sidelined Arsenal players for over a year, as well as potentially ending their young footballing careers. And those are just two among many, many train-wreck challenges that plague modern football. 

I can only hope the insulated, immutable Old Boys Club that is the English FA might take a cue from the MLS on this one. Moreover, like the Nutter suggested, maybe the innovative MLS will pioneer goal line technology in the near future, too. (It's something so very necessary -- as evidenced week in, week out in the EPL (not to mention the last World Cup!) -- and easy). The conservative FA regime, however, seems to get off on resisting change, especially if the idea is imported or 'threatens the Englishness' of the league. Perhaps we can trick them into choosing simple yet effective solutions by hiding them in a humongous bag of fried crisps with a label of Wayne Rooney in a union jacks speedo.

Eww, that's a scary thought.